You pick up your phone and dial 311. The line rings out for a minute or two and then cuts in with an automated message.
//Thank you for contacting the Municipal Bureau of Calamities and Inconvenienes. Due to last week's acid rain, we are experiencing an unusually high volume of calls. Your estimated hold time is: 890 minutes. Thank you for calling to report an issue. Your call is very important to us.//
[[Wait.-> wait]]
[[Hang up -> hang up]]You manage to find a box of slightly stale ritz crackers, and decide it's worth chancing the kippers. You set up with a (link-replace:"plate")[ //(You're not a total animal)//] at the kitchenette counter and take a second to enjoy your snack while you plan your next move.
On the street below, sixteen floors down, people rush to and fro with umbrellas and newspapers over their heads. The sky is a putrid sort of purple color. Yeugh. The body on your floor is gradually bleeding more and more into your rug.
[[You should really probably do something about that ->Corpse]]You're not really sure why there's a body in your living room. You feel really calm about it though, but logically, you know that you should be freaking out about it.
[[Look at it|Corpse]]You hang up the call.
"Typical," you say out loud. //(To the dead body, you guess)// They take forever to resolve support tickets anyways.
So you guess it's just the two of you. And Theresa. And whatever shit about Theresa's stupid co-worker. //God,// you really should call Theresa back. You never returned her other call last week about the edible arragement fruit basket logistics for your grandad's (link-reveal: "retirement party.")[ //(Fuck. And she wanted you to order them. She probably thinks you're a terrible cousin. And after you had that whole conversation at Hensgiving last year too about how you wanted to be a more involved and responsible member of the family too and she was probably going out of her way to include you. You've gotta be more on top of this shit.)//]
[[> ->Corpse]]You wait.
(cycling-link: "And wait.","And wait.","You twirl the phone cord.","And wait.", "And wait some more.", "Oh shit.","Was that someone picking up?","No, it's just the automated message repeating again.","So you just wait.")
[[Hang up-> hang up]]
<iframe width="0" height="0" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/xNjyG8S4_kI?si=PPgENCZoOditgtFa?autoplay=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>You examine the corpse lying on the floor. (set:$examinedBody to true)
You have |X>[no idea] who this is or how it got here. (click:?X)[**You |cant>[can't] remember.**] It's a hefty fellow, probably middle aged. They have a |A>[moustache]. There's not any obvious signs of injury, but they're clearly not breathing.
You feel like getting a snack.
[[Alert the authorities -> authorities]]
[[Stab the man a few times to make sure he's really dead ->furiko]]
[[Go eat breakfast ->breakfast]]
[[Call Theresa->Theresa]]
\(click-append:?A)+(t8n:'dissolve')[ (set:$mustache to true)// (it's in the classical style - one half twirled, the other half died bright maroon. a signifier of status)//]
(click-replace:?cant)[(set:$nonono to 1)|wont>[won't]]
(click-replace:?wont)[(set:$nonono to 2)//mustn't//]You're pretty sure everything is completely normal right now. Right?
[[Yeah dog. Everything makes sense.->dog]]
[[No dog. What the hell happened here.-> dogless]]You call back Theresa.
...(t8n:"fade")+(t8n-time:3s)+(t8n-delay:1s)[ring...](t8n:"fade")+(t8n-time:3s)+(t8n-delay:3s)[ring...](t8n:"fade")+(t8n-time:3s)+(t8n-delay:5s)[ring...](t8n:"instant")+(t8n-delay:7s)[[[click->click]]]"Oh," Teresa sounds uneasy. "Paradise as usual. Mr. Body's been setting deadlines without asking anyone as usual."
She pauses.
"But you're not calling me about work. What did you want to talk about?"
She talks like there's a correct answer.
[["I'm sorry about the retirement party."->pull ys together]]
[["The sky is rotting again."->rotting sky]]
(if:$examinedBody is true)[["There's uhh a body in my living room."->tellbody]]You make your way into the (link-reveal:"kitchenette ")[//(sad, depressing)//] to find yourself something to eat.
There's nothing in the fridge execpt for half a jar of (link-reveal:"kippers ")[//(expired)//] and some shrivelly blueberries.
Geez, you really gotta go grocery shopping. Though not with the sky on and off raining puss and chunks of putrifying cloudstone. Put that one on the chores list for next week.
[[Rummage through the cabinets -> cabinets]]
[[Give up ->Corpse]]"It's fine, it's whatever. I'm really busy, Mr. Body didn't come in today and I'm going into a meeting for him. Just try to lie down and don't hurt yourself."
[[Hang Up->hang up]]"Jess?"
"Hey, Theresa.
[["How's work going?"->askwork]]
(if:$examinedBody is true)[["There's uhh a body in my living room."->tellbody]]Your cousin Theresa called you yesterday. She wanted to talk to you about something. She left this long rambling message, talking about some coworker she was pissed off with, how she's getting thrown under the bus...
You're pretty sure that Theresa's got a new job installing |A>[windows], or something like that?
That's just running through your mind as you're looking out your own |B>[window], kinda absentmindedly wondering if you should call her back. It's almost noon.
[[Call back Theresa->Theresa]]
[[Address the scene in front of you->Corpse]]
\(click-append:?A)+(t8n:'dissolve')[ // (and like, y'alls liege lord just commissioned her to, like, fully install the entire chapel's worth of windows)//]
\(click-append:?B)+(t8n:'dissolve')[ // (the sky is going through one of its rotting phases again. it's really annoying when it does that.)//]You shift your weight and smack your lips a couple times in insoucient contemplation.
//Should you?//
[[yes, grap the fucking balisong >:) and get to it!]]
[[no...|Corpse]]//splurnch!//
Your hand balled to fist finds rest against the livid plane of flesh above his collar bone. You would guess his neckflesh had just started to gizzard with life so it seems now by-feel. Guess byfelt feeling, beneath the white knuckled pinky of a hot clutching hand. And now beneathtoo -- beneath and out from the clutching hand extends a bright blade of variable length, yknow, into him, lodged in his fucking //neck//, now.
And now fountinous, and now candy red, the guy-juice sprays clownflowerlike reality -- joke juice pressurized by turbines of rigormortis seltzer. Up!,with the warmwet fountainflow now your hand glides up, and back down,
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[a little to the left, ooo snagging the larynx and adjacent wetware beneath, the holes becoming one, tearing.]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! 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splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! 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splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! 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splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! 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splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!vsplunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
(link-reveal:"splurnch")[//splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!splunch! splurnch! splurnch!//]
//splurnch//
//splurnch//
//splurnch//
you lay on the floor, covered in pulp staring up at the only skyYou hang the phone back on the reciever.
(if:$examinedBody is true)[You turn around to where the body isn't supposed to be, to find it's not there.
Just a puddle of what looks like sky rot.
[[Put the body back where it's supposed to go->body]]]
(else:)[Welp, that was all you needed to get done today. You wonder if you should do anything else.
[[Eat]]
[[Nah]]
]"You can't just-" Teresa starts, interrupting herself. She sounds like she's angry at someone. "Look, I know you're going through a lot. The meds didn't help and I sympathize. But you have to pull yourself together. We're all having a hard time."
[["The sky is rotting again."->rotting sky]]
(if:$examinedBody is true)[["There's a body in my living room."->tellbody]]
[["I'll be better next time."->bye teresa]]
[["I can't do this."->bye teresa]]
[[Hang Up->hang up]]"The sky?? What does that mean?"
You look out your window, half expecting, hoping it to be gone.
Puss and unrecognizable flesh drip drip drips from a bile-colored above.
[["It's rotting."->pull ys together]]
[["I'm sorry about the retirement party."->pull ys together]]"A //what//?"
"A body. A corpse. A cadaver."
"Yeah, I heard you the first time. [[Who the hell is it->whomst]]?""I need you to think really hard about your day. Does it make sense that there's a body there or are you being hysterical?"
[[...->trust]]"Can you do something for me?"
Teresa sounds like a teacher.
[["What?"->teresa is body real]]She doesn't trust you.
And why should she? You tell her the sky is rotting and she doesn't see it. She can't see it. She won't see it. She mustn't see it.
She's better off, right?
[["I'm sorry."->pull ys together]](if:$nonono >= 1)[Your head(if:$nonono >= 2)[ //really//] hurts.
]"I don't know. Someone with a mustache?"
"...What kind of mustache?"
(if:$mustache is true)["A fancy one. Old-school classy."]
(else:)["I'm not a |M>[mustachiologist], okay? Just a mustache. Kinda twirly?"
(click:?M)[(You considered a minor in Mustachiology, but you decided that Mycelial Network Theory would look better on your resume.)]]
[[Teresa thinks for a moment.->teresa thinks]]You don't have a balisong, unfortunately, but you have what you have: a knife you have and have reason to believe is a genuine victorionox. With a giddy thumb you fold open the blade. the blade is smaller than its handle considerably, as to leave room for the other utilities to tuck. But even still! Its probably a good 2 inches long. Maybe a meter. Should do the job.
Somewhere remote to the thumb and its giddyness legs of pine needle accupuncture carry you to standstradling the chest of gay poirot here. Haha, like gay paree. You never understood what people meant when they said that. You wonder if this man in life was in fact gay or if he felt pride of anotherkind, in the ostentation of his mousstache or the loft of class it signifies. In your wondering about his person, you have made yourself sad.
The timberlegs kneel now, [[get to work! Splurnch.]](if:$mustache is true)[You go to your mirror, and begin painting on the proper moustache onto your visiage. You do a fairly medicore job, but it is good enough.]
You lie down in the sky rot seeping all over the floor and close your eyes. The rot envelops yo, and you remember. It was just a glimpse of the future, that you saw. Everything falls into place. Everything becomes what it was meant to be.
Your heart beats faster and faster. Time never really works the way she thought it did. Theresa never did understand. She peered at you through her windows, but only saw a distortion of reality. A skewed visiage that made things seem simple. How naive, she is, getting to live in linear time.
You're anxious, but not scared, if that makes sense. The rot begins to sting. But still you allow its gentle embrace. You wonder, if Theresa will find your body, and whether she will finally understand then. You go to sleep. Goodnight.You begin to eat your spaghetti.
You wonder at some point whether or not you ever really had a chance. Like, was this always going to happen?
There's a lot of different people in the world, and none of them really get you. In the past, you've been fine with this, but Theresa seems to be in some bizarre fantasy land, one you can't really understand. She didn't even mention the windows. For someone who makes them, she sure doesn't look through them.
You're not really angry at her. But you're definitely feeling something towards her.
As you eat, the world continues to rot around you, outside. The sky slowly starts seeping into the room. You continue to eat your spaghetti.
It's ultimately fine, though. You're still not particularly worried. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.