One day, Jimmny Crumpets was taking a walk in the garden

He saw a small yellow ernimal duck under the bushes

Once the animal got under George Bush, it bit him in the clicker-clacks

Georgie-boy screamed so hard he vomited his lunch, a pan of egg shells

These had been the eggs of the rare Bluzovian Crunger, an endangered creature native to Papua Old Guinea

Anyhow, George Bush had to visit the hospital, and he thought the animal was Jimmny's pet

Jimmny pay medical bills

Run ragged, he filed for bankruptcy, but unfortunately for him, the bank already erupted six days ago

"That's too bad," he said, "now I'm broke, in debt, and can't afford my wife"

He wanted to buy his wife from the Mallgoths, a German tribe who had abducted her

Now, however, Jimmny had to devise a plan to get rick quick

Essentially, his first ideas were all pyramid schemes that revolved around giraffe ink, but he had neither geragge nor onk

His next idea entailed a Big Book Sale, where he sold Big Books

All the neighborhood kids misread his sign as Big Boob Sale, and they wanted those, so they brought loads o' cash

Disappointy, the children chucked whatever they could find at Jimmny, but all they found was money, so they just threw that at him

He was overjoyed and in his happiness, ate all the money

Intestinal blockage ravaged the repentant Jimmny, and coins blasted from his rear like Mentos out of a Gatling gun

Now how bout them apples, the leader of the Mallgoths was standing behind him, and was impaled through the heart by a good ol' Thomas Jeffreyson

The folks defeated, Jimmny reclaim wife

However, there was still the matter of his debt to settle, so the couple brainstormed

His wife suggested to ink gireffas, but they had neither, as her husband had already experienced

That said, she soon came to the swift realization that they could invest in Est´┐Że Lauder stock to boost their revenue

"That's a sissy name, men don't invest in that," he retorted, thinking it was a piss company

"Well, what in Lazarus' sweet cloaca sweat do you want to do, then?" she scrreeked

Jimmny sell wife to George Bush

Morality of fetishes ranking!!

Todd Howard vandalism

The main bird from Angry Birds: A round bird with a big grin